Bob and his best friend Wilbur perform a classic Northwoods folk song, with Bob taking the role of the logger and Wilbur pretending to be the 80-year-old waitress.
Lyrics
BOB:
AS I SAT DOWN ONE EVENING WITHIN A SMALL CAFÉ
AN 80-YEAR-OLD WAITRESS TO ME THESE WORDS DID SAY:
WILBUR:
I SEE YOU ARE A LOGGER, AND NOT A COMMON BUM
FOR NO ONE BUT A LOGGER STIRS HIS COFFEE WITH HIS THUMB
MY LOVER WAS A LOGGER, THERE’S NONE LIKE HIM TODAY
WILBUR AND BOB:
IF YOU POURED WHISKEY ON IT, HE’D EAT A BAIL OF HAY
BOB:
I NEVER SHAVED MY WHISKERS FROM OFF MY HORNY HIDE
BUT I DROVE THEM IN WITH A HAMMER AND BIT THEM OFF INSIDE
WILBUR:
MY LOVER CAME TO SEE ME, ‘TWAS ON A FREEZING DAY
HE WRAPPED ME IN HIS FOND EMBRACE AND BROKE THREE VERTEBRAE
HE KISSED ME WHEN WE PARTED SO HARD IT BROKE MY JAW
I COULD NOT SPEAK TO TELL HIM, “HEY, YOU FORGOT YOUR MACKINAW”
AND SO MY LOVER LEFT ME, ‘A TRUDGING THROUGH THE SNOW
WILBUR AND BOB:
HE WAS GOING GAILY HOMEWARD AT 48 BELOW
BOB:
THE WEATHER TRIED TO FREEZE ME, IT TRIED ITS LEVEL BEST
AT A 100 DEGREES BELOW ZERO, I BUTTONED UP MY VEST
WILBUR AND BOB:
IT FROZE CLEAR THROUGH TO CHINA, IT FROZE TO THE STARS ABOVE
AT A THOUSAND DEGREES BELOW ZERO
WILBUR:
IT FROZE MY LOGGER LOVE
THEY TRIED IN VAIN TO THAW HIM, AND TO THIS DAY I SWEAR
HE STILL STANDS AS A STATUE IN THE HURLEY CITY SQUARE
AND SO I LOST MY LOVER, AND TO THIS CAFÉ I COME
WILBUR AND BOB:
AND HERE I WAIT ‘TIL SOMEONE STIRS HIS COFFEE WITH HIS THUMB